Friday, September 10, 2010

case review coming up

{i could not sleep this morning so i decided to get up and blog. i doubt i'll finish this entry before little P is awake and ready for breakfast but here goes nothing!}

we got a notice in the mail yesterday for the final case review meeting on the boys' case. we had no idea that this was happening so soon, so to say i was a little caught off-guard is an understatement. i was on my way to take little P to the doctor because he woke up with his right eye all puffy, pink and swollen, but decided to swing home after work and change my clothes. {by the way, no pink eye for P, just a yucky sty!} i should have just avoided the mailbox but i wanted to see if we had gotten a notification on the last adoption grant application that we're waiting to hear back on. unfortunately, the only piece of mail in the box said "administration office of the courts" and i knew that couldn't be good!

i opened it and quickly learned that the boys' case will be reviewed on monday, september 20th. {only 11 days notice!!} from what i had been previously told, this review is basically the last formal step before the boys' mom goes back to court to regain custody of the boys. i was pretty miffed when i saw the letter because i had been corresponding with the boys' social worker for the last 2 days, and she neglected to mention anything to me about it. i wish we would have had some kind of heads up, but that's just another example of how overloaded our foster care system and workers can be. people get lost in the process, and that's a shame.

anyways, i still don't exactly understand what will take place at the review meeting, but i do know that we are allowed to submit a written statement/opinion to the review board prior to the meeting. apparently, this written statement will only be seen by the review board so they told us that we could openly critique social workers and give our honest opinion of how the case plan is going. finally, an opportunity to at least feel heard! after the review, the review board will submit their opinion based on what they've heard from us, bio parents, social workers, therapists, etc. and will make a recommendation to the judge. we are completely aware that short of a miracle, the review board will make a favorable recommendation for the boys to be returned to their mom. we have known for awhile that the social workers ultimately want to see that happen but we are still trying to prepare ourselves...

ryan and i discussed what we'd like to say in our written statement and have decided that we're not going to say one way or another about recommending the reunification of the boys and their mother. we don't want to sound like sour grapes about the situation by saying not to reunify the family, but we also don't want to put on paper that we are completely supportive of it because we still have many reservations. instead, i think the main part of our written statement will focus on trying to ensure that there are follow-ups and checks and balance in place to ensure the boys' future safety and well-being. if i'm being 100% honest, most of me still feels like the boys' mom is doing what she's supposed to be doing now because she has the social workers, mentors, domestic violence class trainers, etc breathing down her neck. however, i just wonder what is going to happen when all those people fade away, her case is closed, and no one is checking in on her again.

this is not going to be easy, but it's happening whether we like it or not. today, i'm choosing to take ryan's advice and not try to control things that i cannot control...which is basically EVERYTHING, right?. well not this: continuing to love the boys just the same every single day, hour, minute and second that we have left! while they may never be "ours", in some way, they will always be. if you think of it, please say a prayer for our boys. this transition will not be easy on anyone but i especially want to pray for their protection and salvation.

thanks for walking alongside us in this!


Amber said...

God, grant us the...
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.

I can't even tell you how much my heart is going out to you. R and P will always know your love and God's love and this will change them. "Don't worry, just believe" is scripture that I repeat to myself a lot. He will take care of those boys. And I know it's so much easier to say than do but we have to work on that so remember-when they aren't in your care, their in God's. He has a plan for them and you can't write it for them, He's already written it. I add your sweet boys to my prayers and you and Ryan are in there, too. I hope you feel tucked in and prayed for and that your boys do, too. Hang in there, Have Faith.