Tuesday, September 28, 2010

ch ch ch changes

i'm not going to lie, i've been hesitating to post this. in some ways i feel like if i post this, it will become real...like it isn't already. anyways, we really have no choice in the matter so i might as well put it all on the table:


we got word {via email, mind you} on friday, that the boys will most likely be returned to their mom's custody next thursday, october 7th. apparently, it is time for the case's APR hearing {annual permanency hearing} and at the hearing, the social workers will recommend immediate reunification. immediate, as in, right after the hearing. we've been instructed to bring both boys with us to court that morning, so it should be interesting. ryan and i have mixed emotions about this. however, there is still a chance that the judge will recommend something different or delay the reunification, but we're not holding our breath.

on one hand, this is kind of what we've asked for. ryan had a long discussion with the boys' social worker's supervisor last wednesday and basically just expressed his frustration over the lack of communication these last 11+ months. he told her that every time we were told something by their office, the exact opposite happened within a few weeks. we were told that they would not recommend unsupervised visits, then 3 weeks later when we were in court they recommended unsupervised visits. at our july home visit, we were told the boys' mom wasn't ready for overnight visits, yet at our august home visit they were scheduling them. there have been many instances of inconsistencies and poor communication, and ryan said that we were pretty much over it.

the straw that broke the camel's back was pretty much when the boys' mom showed up 15 minutes prior to R's surgery last wednesday unannounced. we had no clue if she had been granted permission to be there or not, but she swiftly informed us that 3 hours prior the social workers called her and told her she could come. the part that was really frustrating to us was that they never let us know, thus thrusting us into a super awkward situation with no heads up. {not to mention, that she invited various family members also to show up at the hospital, only to have to be turned away because they were not approved to be there!}

anyways, on that same phone call with the SW's supervisor, ryan said that it was not fair for the boys to continue to have to endure all the back and forth. i think it was particularly hard to watch R try to figure out who his "allegiance" {for lack of better word} was to at the hospital. he wasn't sure whether to ask us or his mom questions about what the doctors had told us, what he could eat, etc. also, both R and P's schedules have been completely interrupted and rocked by all the back and forth between our houses for visits. P comes back to us after 2 days of taking no naps and is completely sleep deprived. it takes us a good couple days to get him back into his routine, which is just about time for him to head back to his mom's. it's completely frustrating and unfair, and that's what ryan told the social workers.

so, i guess it truly is only a matter of time at this point. we haven't told R yet at the social worker's request. i'm sure his mom will tell him tomorrow when he goes for his overnight visits but i'm glad that he's getting a little heads up. we asked if we should begin packing up their belongings but were told to wait until after court. this is a really hard thing for me to even think about but we are trying to continue to walk through this season of our life trusting in the Lord's plan and timing. easier said than done though!!

if you think of it, please say a prayer for both our sweet boys. no matter what happens next thursday, it will not be easy on any of us. we want to send them home to their mom's knowing how deeply loved they are by not only us but by a Heavenly Father and a precious Savior. thanks!

2 comments:

Stunning... said...

You are in my prayers - Stay strong!

Jen said...

i could cry reading this. PRAYING for you, ryan & the boys.