Monday, October 4, 2010


{i still feel like i haven't come down from cloud 9 yet. i am just so thankful to finally have a picture of our sweet boy...heck, to even know, we're adding a little BOY to the family! yippee!!!}

when i think about the last year or so of my life - the journey navigating the unknowns of foster care, then deciding to adopt internationally, and just walking through daily life things, i just want to weep at God's provision, love, protection, and sovereignty over all things. i know that every day is not going to be rainbows and sunshines, but i am confident that i have a Creator that has promised to work all things together for my good, according to Romans 8. He has done so every step of the way so far and i'm so thankful i have a Savior and a Father whom all my hope and trust rests in alone.

we have a pretty tumultuous week ahead of us though. we are most likely looking at saying goodbye to R & P this thursday, and that is really hard. however, i don't know if it is a temporary thing or what, but i just have a sense of peace about everything right now. don't get me wrong, i'm heartbroken and i still don't feel like it is the right thing for the boys, but i'm trying to live with the assurance that the One who holds the plans for all of our futures, has exceedingly better things in the works for all of us than i could ever dream up.

i was talking with ryan about all this over the weekend, and i had a realization that i haven't really thought about before. while i don't really understand now why the boys were brought in our lives for a year and are going back, i realized that this last year could very well be the catalyst that God chose to send their lives in a better direction. them being in foster care, living with us, being exposed to the Gospel through our family, our church and living life alongside us may be the spark for R to come to know the Lord. we hope at the least that his time with us has been fruitful in introducing him to the Lord and allowing R to see God's character lived out. {don't get me wrong here...i'm not trying to toot my own horn or to say that ryan and i have done this perfectly. we definitely haven't! we've made plenty of mistakes in the last several months. BUT i do believe that the Lord has used those to teach all of us, ryan and i included, and i know He can redeem our most feeble efforts.}

although, i hope both boys have plenty of other godly people who rally around them and invest in them over the years, i know that we've done what God has called us to do for the time being and i hope that it effects their eternity. to think that this time last year, we didn't yet know these boys is unbelievable. without fostering, we would never have had the opportunity to pray over them, pour our lives into them, to laugh and cry with them, and to just be a family. even if they don't come back into our home in the future, at least R has heard the Good News and seen it lived out. at least sweet baby P is walking away with a foundation of love and many prayers prayed over him at night while we rocked. we just pray that one day, R will be able to share his experiences and hopefully his love for the Lord with his little brother P.

so, despite all the groaning and complaining i've done over the last 12 months about the painful task of fostering, it's days like today that i can't think of a better way to spend my time. it's hard, and i can't think of anyone who would disagree with me about that, but if you know and love the Lord, it is so worth it.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
-Romans 8:28