Tuesday, July 13, 2010

home visits today

we have 2 home visits today for R & P - one with the boys' social worker and one with our social worker. i have to say that i'm probably more nervous about today's visit with the boys' worker than i've ever been for a home visit before, and i can't really explain it. i'm not sure if it's just me being overly fearful and anxious, or if the Lord is trying to prepare my heart for some bad news...


the visit with our worker should be fairly painless as normal, but we are going to be renewing our foster parenting paperwork so that we can keep our house open for at least another year. {are we crazy?? i think so!!} **sidebar- in case you're wondering, we are not planning on accepting any more foster placements until after we get our kiddo home from ethiopia and are settled with a strong attachment underway. we don't want to risk damaging that relationship in any way with the chaos that foster care can create in a home. however, we will probably foster again, just not right away.**

anyways, i know i had mentioned an interesting situation coming up in regards to the boys last week and i finally feel somewhat comfortable to share a little about that. we basically received an alarming phone call about the boys' mom from someone who knows her and the boys well. however, this person stated that they refused to call CPS and report the same information to them, even anonymously, because they were so fearful for their lives and their family. quite disturbing! i talked to the person for over an hour and they gave me some seemingly accurate details making me think they really knew what they were talking about. i spent probably the last 20 minutes of the call basically begging this person to do what was right and make a report to CPS if they were so concerned for the boys so that CPS could sort everything out. the next day, i reported what i had been told to CPS and the boys' worker, but their worker just shrugged everything off as no big deal. she was less than assuring that they would even look into the situation, and as far as i know, no one has call to make a report about the concerns.

this has left us very unsettled. we truly want to believe that the boys' mom has turned her life around, but unfortunately the odds are just stacked against her. domestic violence, drugs, abuse, poverty, etc are all a vicious cycle and hard to break without God's intervention, and that's what we're praying for this family. R has lived a hard, hard life and seen more than he should have had to in his 14 years and we're praying that P won't have to walk the same painful road. however, we know that this entire situation is out of our control!

i'm interested to hear from the boys' worker today if there are any updates about the plan for reunification with their mom. at this point, i think both ryan and i are settled with the idea that short of a major catastrophe happening, the boys will be going back to their mother. however, neither of us think it's healthy for the boys {or for us, for that matter} to keep drawing out the reunification process. their mom has completed her parenting classes {if you can even call them that!}, drug treatment, and is about to wrap up with domestic violence classes. there really aren't many more "resources" that the state can offer her for improving herself or the type of parent she is/will be.

it is also growing increasingly hard for R and P to be shuffled around between us and her. P has become very clingy to me and now refuses to go with his mom when she reaches for him. this morning, when i dropped the boys off for their visit, P tucked his arms down by his belly and turned completely away from her when he saw her. to make matters worse, R just came over and took him from me and handed P to his mom, causing him to cry. it wasn't pretty or easy for P or me! we've also been getting quite a bit of attitude and disrespect from R lately, with most of it occurring right before or after his visit times. i know that is probably natural because he's trying to balance in his mind who his "real" authority is. however, neither ryan or i ever let him disrespect his mother in front of us, but that same courtesy is definitely not repaid to us. for example, R almost always gets out of his mom's car when we pick him up and immediately gets in our car without saying goodbye or hugging his mother. when he does this, ryan and i always ask him to get back out of the car to say goodbye to his mom and to give her a hug, which he'll then do. on the flip side though, today i was talking to his mom about P's schedule, food, etc. and R kept saying, "ok, let's go now" to his mom, completely interrupting me and our conversation. his mom just laughed and smiled almost approvingly at him, making my blood boil a little.

it's just a very frustrating and unfair situation. R is old enough to know what is going on but not truly mature enough to really understand it. P is too young to know what is going or to understand it, so i worry that he thinks we're just going to be abandoning him when he goes back to his mom. uggghhh.

ok, enough bellyaching from me for the day. i'll update later if i can after the visits...please pray for things to go smoothly and for the truth to come out.

4 comments:

The Moore Family said...

Oh Lesli, I'm so sorry you're goign through all this. I will certainly pray for your visit today and for the truth to come out and for the well being of both you guys and the boys. I can't imagine how hard this journey has been.
Ginny

Amber said...

I have commented on your blog only one other time but I read your updates with great excitement (for your new baby) and great hopes (for R and P and their situation).
I am sad to read all of this today. I am sad for you, sad for them and really sad for her, too. What a loss she has in this life to not know the love of her Father and to not be able to give that kind of love to her own children and to herself. My heart swells at your big heart-for giving these boys as much stability and love and that soft place to land that you can. I don't know what this world would be like without people like you and Ryan. I really hope that the meetings go well today...better than expected. And I'll be in prayer with you about their mom and the possiblity of a reunion. But God is here and He's at work in this situation...just hold tight to that. And as for little P...may he grow up knowing the love you all have for him and may his momma get it together!!

Hugs
AmberK

Lindsayb-mo said...

What a heart breaking post... I feel for all of you. I can't imagine being in your situation and will pray for God's intervention. I think it is amazing that you have opened your hearts and home to R and P. I pray that God will bless you all. I will also pray that their mother will straighten up her act and put them first in her life rather than being selfish the way she apparently has been in the past. Sending hugs to you,
Lindsay

Cevallos Family said...

Hello! I will be praying for your family, since it seems like this is a bit of a rough time! I just wanted to let you know, that I am encouraged by your blog! My husband and I adopted our girls form Ethiopia last September, and are currently in the process of becoming foster parents! Love that you have the same heart...not sure how you got there, but it is so cool to see God work through His people, to care for His children!!