Monday, August 10, 2009

our first call

we got our first call on friday! while i am really excited to know that we are actually on the list and we could get another call at any moment, i am also sad for these kiddos we had to turn down.

ryan got the call as he left work on friday. the placement team worker said that they had 4 siblings that they needed to place together - ages 6, 2 1/2, 4 months and unknown. **i'm not sure how a child's age can be unknown, but i guess it happens in a crazy system??** when ryan heard that they needed to place 4 kids, he immediately knew that we would be turning down the placement. he explained to the placement worker that we had no biological kids yet and this would be our first placement, so he didn't really think we were ready to jump on the 4 kid bandwagon yet! this is one of those times when i'm so glad they called ryan with the placement because i am too easily swayed, especially when there's kids involved! i probably would have wanted to say yes even though i know that we definitely don't have the resources and support system in place to take care of 4 kids right now. even though i know that we would not be a good fit for these kids, it still breaks my heart that we cannot help them :( we have been praying all weekend that they got settled in with a good family and did not have to be split up!

now, we're back to the waiting game... i almost think getting our first call made things a lot more real and now the waiting is even harder! ryan just keeps saying how crazy it will be to become a daddy in a matter of minutes! being the planner that i am, i spent most of yesterday afternoon in our nursery preparing things, refolding clothes, making sure the closet is in order and dreaming of what it will be like to have a little one finally fill up that room. i don't want to be crazily surprise but i want to be ready to jump if we need to! one part of me is more than ready and another part of me is really, really SCARED! we don't know what it is like to be parents, much less parent a child with possible developmental/medical issues and the possibility of being reunited with his/her birth family. we just keep trying to remember that our plans are not God's plans and trying to make ourselves an open vessel for what He has in store.

"The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are clean in his own sight, but the Lord weighs the motives. Commit your works to the Lord and your plans will be established. The Lord has made everything for its own purpose, even the wicked for the day of evil." - Proverbs 16:1

for now, we'll wait some more and continue to pray that we would know when the child/children are the "right one(s)" for our family.


Jennifer said...

Hi! Great blog. I found your blog on blogher and wanted to say hello. May God answer your prayers soon!