Monday, July 13, 2009

stamp of approval.

i think i have started at least 4 posts over the past week and a half but have yet to be able to finish one. i have had a major case of the blues/writer's block/grumpiness/etc., all of which are not super conducive to blogging. anyways, i'll try to spare you all the glum details of the last few weeks, but lets just say, they have not been easy ones. my mom had to put our beloved family dog of 17 years, sidney, to sleep last tuesday. also, my mother-in-law had a series of biopsies done to determine if she had breast cancer (thankful, she does not!!!). finally, things have just not been the same without sam. it's hard to be together as a family and not realize that he's missing. the 4th was particularly hard. we shot fireworks at my sister's house, and on several occasions i thought about whether or not the fireworks would wake him up, only to remember that he wasn't there anymore. if you think of it, please continue to pray for my sister and her family, and also sweet baby sam. we're going on a week and a half without him and things still feel very empty.

i know i've shared about this before but in light of sam's return to his bio-mom, the reality of loving and losing a child has really hit ryan and i very hard. i think it's safe to say that last week i was actually questioning if i still wanted to foster-to-adopt or not. while we have been told all through this process that the main goal is for the kiddos placed in our home to be reunited with their birth family, hearing it at this point feels very different. we have tried to weigh our options carefully, and even began looking into adopting a little bit older children who are already free and clear for adoption. i think it's safe to say that we still aren't sure what the future holds for us. however, we do still feel very called to the children of the foster care system, but we're just not 100% in what capacity.

last week i was really struggling about our next step and God really has been speaking to me through these verses from Psalm 10: 17-18:

"O LORD, You have heard the desire of the humble; You will strengthen their heart, You will incline Your ear to vindicate the orphan and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth will no longer cause terror."
God has not forgotten the orphans and the fatherless, and i take great comfort in that. i also take comfort in knowing that His plans will prevail, not mine!!! we are just waiting for His guidance and direction, even in the small stuff...
so, on that note, today we got a call from our SW and WE ARE APPROVED!!!!!!!

yep, it's finally official :) although, ryan is currently in las vegas for work so we can't sign our contract with the state which allows us to begin taking placements until he gets back. we are planning to meet up with our SW thursday night to sign and hopefully get a few more details from her, as well as get some advice. we're leaving for vacation on saturday so we are really not in a position to accept any placements until after we return anyways. plus, we're really hoping that we can use our vacation as a good time to pray and meditate on what it is that God has in store for us. we just want to make sure that we are listening to Him, and not trying to convince ourselves that our plans are actually His.

anyways, that pretty much catches you up on where we are in this. sorry for the blogging silence, but believe me, you didn't miss much...just a bunch of sad ramblings :)


Bethany said...

I really appreciate your honest blogging! Little Sam's story has made us stop and pray as well, hearing that it could happen & then actually seeing (or hearing about it) happen to someone you know makes the reality sink in. Just wanted to encourage you that you're not alone, and that in all things God is sovereign. (which i need to remind myself daily.) We'll be praying for you guys as you try to discern the Lord's plans for your family! And PRAISE GOD that His plans prevail, and not ours!! =)
Love you sister.